As you may suspect from these wordy presentations, I also like to talk. Until recently if someone asked me a question, thinking that they wanted to know something, I would expound. That was when teaching medical students and residents but also on other occasions. When I found people easily distracted or they would stop listening I always blamed myself, thinking I am boring, or I could put it in a better way or brevity is the soul of wit. In recent years I have made a special effort to hold myself back and not talk so much. Everybody says you learn more by listening, but not necessarily. If you don’t talk there are those awkward silences we all abhor. Besides many was the time that in talking, I found lacunae in my knowledge base or logical inconsistencies that allowed me to go back and learn. Talking is way to try on your own thoughts.
Every year we talk at the Passover meal (seder) of four children who question in the different way. The four are: 1. intelligent 2.wicked, 3 simple 4. one who is so young or impaired they can’t even ask a question: “Who has no capacity to inquire.” That is so useful! People have totally different aims when they ask you a question, if they even ask, and it is foolish to respond to all of them in the same way. I used to be amazed that a student who asked me a question was not interested in a complete answer. ]When that happens I reasonably conclude they are asking pro forma or to butter me up and are not very good students and I stop talking, saving time and effort.
Nowadays when we make a purchase we get these pesky questionnaires. We are right in not wanting to waste our time filling them out. In sending these time consuming things a company may have a variety of different aims. They may simply want you to think they care and of course a good company does care. Or they may wish you to report on an employee to give them grounds to fire or promote them. As a customer you will fill out the questionnaire when you have a strong like or dislike, so on the basis of emotion. But these questionnaires fall into the four categories above and you can tell by how they put their questions.
Similarly I have worked in many different positions and with different supervisors. I used to take very seriously improving service and I wanted to express myself to the point that I might speak even when not asked. Experience has taught me this is wrong. Not everyone is listening or cares. My wife and I bought a car in at a formerly well run dealership with perfect customer recommendations. I found out why. Though we were purchasing exact same car that we had bought in the same place 3 years before they’d become so inept we were displeased to be wasting so much time. No consumer questionnaire was provided on that occasion. Their record remained unblemished, though we won’t be back.
In a work situation good management will ask intelligent specific questions and will want feedback especially from knowledge workers, physicians, engineers, nurses etc. They are made to pay a lot of lip service wanting continuous quality improvement. But not necessarily. I have found that managers rarely fall into the category of the intelligently curious child as listed above, truly seeking knowledge. If I ever do come across such a person, I will go out of my way to speak to them. Most don’t ask. We have a crisis now with our hospitals losing their best employees. This is why. I am truly amazed when leaving a position, at the failure to do an exit interview. It would seem an exit interview might give important insights into low morale their inability to retain qualified people. If I am not asked I must assume they don’t care or there is not even the capacity to inquire or they are wicked, simple or dumb, as above.
The important lesson is obvious, that you must tune your presentation to the capacity of your audience.